Baby number two!

Gotcha. No, I'm not pregnant again (praise the LORD, that would be horrible at this point in my life).

But, I feel like I'm ready to tell the world about our first baby.

No, Keegan was our first BORN but not our first baby. I started miscarrying on July 21st, 2010. It was the worst week of my life.

We hadn't even been trying to get pregnant. I was late, and showing some symptoms. Kris finally convinced me to take a test. Surprisingly, it was negative. But I still didn't start a day later, so I took another. Kris had already left for work. I walked back into the bathroom to pick up a pregnancy test, and to my shock, it was POSITIVE. I started trembling immediately. I was terrified.

I didn't respond the way you would normally think someone would respond when they find out they're expecting. I couldn't stop shaking. I called Kris. HE was pumped. I simply felt terrified. I had a little spotting, so I made sure to call the OB on my way to work that morning. I described how far along I was, and described my spotting.

They said that's perfectly normal- but just for good measure to go to the lab on my lunch break and get some blood work done.

Throughout the day I got more and more excited. I had to tell my assistant manager so I could get a little extra time off at lunch to complete the blood work. She was psyched. I started getting psyched.

At the lab the lady was asking me all sorts of questions, "Is this your first?" "Oh boy, how will this baby learn to spell your last name?!" All of which got me more and more excited.

The next day I had training up in Grand Rapids for work with my co-worker, Brad. We drove together. In the morning I got a phone call from the doctor's asking me to call them as soon as I got the message. Before lunch, I stepped aside and called. To my dismay, I was told that the numbers didn't look good and to, "brace for the worst." I knew what that meant. I called Kris in absolute tears. He tried to be optimistic, that maybe our little baby would defy all odds and be one of those rare cases and end up growing and growing and growing and turn into a happy and healthy baby.

Poor Brad. I had to stay the whole afternoon through class, and then drive us back to Lansing. The whole way I kept crying and not telling him why!

We were supposed to stay late at the office that day to make phone calls to customers about some changes that were coming- but I went to the bathroom, and that's when I started miscarrying. I started bawling, and my assistant manager came back. She gave me a huge hug and told me to go home.

I called Kris on the way home, and we decided we'd go to the hospital to make sure.

I just remember feeling so guilty that the primary emotion I felt those past two days was terror. I remember screaming while I sobbed in my garage. I remember saying, "I really want you! I really do!"

I cried the whole way to Sparrow. We waited in the emergency room for seven hours before being taken back. I understood that there were "emergencies" that took precedence, but to me, this WAS an emergency. It was the life of my baby hanging in the line.

We were at the hospital until 4:00am the next morning.

I was miscarrying. They told me to come into the doctor's the next day. There was the most kind-hearted nurse I'd ever had. She looked me flat in the eye and say, "Some people will think you're crazy. But you were a Mom. Even just for a couple days- you were a mom. That will always be your first baby and no one can take that away from you." I tear up thinking about it while I type. I was told to wait it out and let everything "pass" naturally.

I remember the horror every time something came out, and I KNEW what it was. It was awful.

Even though 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, you never talk about it. You don't tell anyone. It's so private and personal, and you can't help but feel inadequate. I knew eventually I'd be ready to tell people about it. On my time.

The doctor told us not to try to get pregnant again for at least 3-6 months. We didn't listen. Keegan was conceived 2 1/2 weeks later. I figured that God would control which baby would be our first born. Keegan must've really wanted to be born... That's why we picked the name, "Keegan". It means little fiery one, and I think it describes his personality perfectly since the day he was formed.

I now know why I lost that first baby: so that when I first found out about Keegan I couldn't help but be thrilled. That terror wasn't there. I just knew I was ready and that he had such a purpose. That first little baby helped me get to the point where I was ready to be a mom.

That first little baby brought my sister and I together after years of being at odds with each other.

My first baby had a purpose.

Teething, Sleeping and getting SO big!

Well, I think it's safe to say that Keegan must read my blog, and want to prove me wrong if I say something he doesn't like... :)

The same night I posted my last blog with his two month update, and stated that the longest he's slept was 5 hours, but that we're more on an 3-4 hour stretch schedule, he decided to prove me wrong, and slept clear through the night. He fell asleep at 10:40pm, and then didn't wake up until 5:40am! THEN, I fed him, laid him back down, and he slept another 3 hours! Needless to say, he felt great that next day.

I won't lie, I didn't want to post that he slept through the night because I didn't want to jinx it- just like when I updated on how good of a napper he was- suddenly that phase passed and he became a disaster to lay down. I wanted to wait and see if the sleeping would continue- and so far we've had three night's straight with 7 hour stretches! GO KEEGY!

I know, I know- controversial. He normally sleeps in his own bed next to ours- but he had been fussing, so I had been snuggling him back to sleep. Plus, he sleeps better on his side and belly because of his acid reflux... so no need to tell me that "back is best" or that he should be in his own bed :)

Also, what's insane, is that I think my little tiny baby may already be starting to teeth. Two months old! He's become much fussier, and he's starting to drool so much- he has one little white dot on his bottom gum. WOW. I asked my grandma-in-law if she knew if there was a history of early teeth in THEIR side of the family (since the soonest either my sister or I started teething as 4 months old) and she told me that my father-in-law had 5 teeth by 5 months old! She said she even pulled a tooth out of his mouth when he was a baby because she didn't know what it was- she just "knew" it wouldn't be a tooth. Ha!

Today Keegan and I checked out a daycare that's right over by both Kris and my work's. I didn't think I'd like it- but it was the closest... and I have to say, I actually felt very comfortable with it! He'll be going to Happy Elephant... NO, I didn't pick it just because I thought the name was cute (even though it is)!

What's awesome is the COST... It's only $4.00 an hour! Woo hoo! We will be saving a lot of money, plus isn't probably only 3 minutes from my work, so I'll get to visit on my lunch breaks- plus it's literally RIGHT on my way, so I won't have to use a lot of extra gas to drop him off on the few days he's there every week. Praise the Lord! That lifted such a weight off of my shoulders... Finding a decent daycare for a low cost was one of the most heart wrenching and stressful things to do!

Anyway, off for a walk with ALL my boys (Kris, Keegan, Henry and Tyler!). Lately we've just been sitting Keegan in the front facing big-kid stroller and strapping him in because he hates his car seat so much... he LOVES it! What a big boy...

My big TWO MONTH old Boy!

You were a little fussy tonight while I tried to take this picture... that's why you are on your changing pad... Your FAVORITE spot in the house! You will lay there completely entertained by that part of the ceiling for 20 minutes or so... !

Keegan Michael...

You are ONE MONTH OLD TODAY  TOMORROW! (we will be gone for the day!) 

And I cannot believe it. You have made my life SO much better. It only continues to get better day after day, no matter how tired I am!!!

You finally got into size one diapers just a week and a half ago or so. You have the tiniest butt and waist still, though! HA!

You are wearing all 0-3 month clothes! BIG BOY! You even wore a 3-6 month outfit last week! (well, all 0-3 month except for pants/shorts. You're so skinny you still wear newborn size in those).
Last week at your weight check (nope, not two month appointment yet, but at your weight check because of your belly issues) you were a whopping 9lbs 13oz. It cracks me up that you were not even 10lbs yet. You really are Mommy's LITTLE boy!

You are still a Momma's boy- definitely. But you and your Daddy have a GREAT time watching some Yo Gabba Gabba and working out (Daddy likes to use you as a weight!).

I think you make actually ALREADY be starting to teeth... YUP! You're drooly, fussy and have a little white dot on your gum. Maybe it's just the start... This whole teeth thing could be a really long haul! Maybe it's just a coinsidence though!

You're still a Smiley McGee. You are always smiling and starting to laugh a little. When you smile REALLY big I can see little dimples on both of your cheeks and I LOVE it! You make me feel SO funny (though I'm really not)- but THANK YOU, Keegy! You know how to boost your Mommy's self esteem!

Because of all your belly problem's you still struggle with sleeping at night. The longest you've slept through the night was 5 hours- but more commonly sleep about 3-4 hour stretches at a time. Here's hoping that as your Acid Reflux get's better, and as you get a little older those times stretch out a little further! Mommy hasn't had a full night's sleep since you were born! Whew!

But do you know what, Keegan Michael? I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love you with everything I am, and love you more and more each day I spend with you!


On a side note: As a lot of people know, we've had our house on the market. We have another showing tomorrow (Saturday) sometime between 12:30 and 2:00- please say a prayer that God will bring us a buyer and bring one quickly! :) THANK YOU!

Keegan's Belly Update

WELL,

Today was a long day already. Keegan had two doctor's appointments to try and figure out what's up with his little belly. The first was just a standard weight check/doctor's appointment with our pediatrician, Dr. Josh. He is great. He's so gentle with Keegan and so patient with us. Our appointment was early: 8:40AM... I know that's not EARLY, EARLY- but it sure is harder getting out of the house with a baby. Needless to say, I was a couple minutes late... again, Dr. Josh is so patient with us!

So far, Keegan is still gaining weight really well. In the past two weeks he's gained just over a pound... a whopping 9lbs 13oz... Ha! It amazes me that some women have 9lb babies. He just seems like such a big boy to me! Praise the Lord Keegan was as little as he was when he was born. I just can't imagine! :)

The second appointment was an ultrasound at Sparrow Hospital. According to that ultrasound, it is not the hole to his belly that is causing his discomfort. So that's both good and bad. Good, because we get to rule that out as an option; Bad, because we still don't quite know what's going on. Luckily it seems like his new medication is already starting to help with his spitting up- but the other symptoms that he's showing haven't seemed to improve yet. For instance, everytime he eats he starts gagging and coughing like he's swallowed his food down the wrong pipe.

The doctor now thinks that he may have a swallowing disfunction (?). I'm not quite sure what that means, but in order to determine if he does or not, we have to go see a speech therapist at Sparrow Hospital sometime next week. They'll give him a bottle with some dye of sorts in it- and then do an x-ray of his belly to see if some of the formula ends up in his lungs- which can cause quite a bit of discomfort. My poor baby! :)

SO, I will continue to update everyone on the status. He's such a little trooper. He didn't cry once during his ultrasound. He sat back on the bed, watching the screen the whole time. Maybe he'll be a doctor someday?

Thank you, everyone for your prayers! Hopefully we'll get this all figured out soon. We shall see!

Have a GREAT weekend, everyone. And any Dad's- enjoy your day... Especially my fantastic husband, Kristopher, who will be celebrating his very First FATHER'S DAY! He is a great Daddy. We are so lucky!

Here's my husband the first time he held his son. I can't ever get enough of these two!

My new Etsy store, and a prayer request!

Ever since I was little, I was intrigued with making things. I still think it came from my adoration of Laura Ingalls and Little House on the Prairie... :) Well, during this maternity leave while the baby has been napping I've come to "making things" again. If you remember from prior blog posts I created some nursery letters that spelled "K-E-E-G-A-N" right about the baby's crib. I've been told a couple of times that I should sell them- so I figured- what the hay. I'll give it a whirl!

So that's what I'm doing.

I'm selling nursery wall letters, hand made nursing covers and other odds and ends that I decide to make when I get a free moment.

Please, check it out:

mandysmarkboutique

Tell your friends, pass it along, and if you're in need of any of the items, please order! :)

Also, just a prayer request:

Tomorrow morning I'm taking Keegan to the hospital for that ultrasound since his Zantac doesn't seem to be working. I'm actually praying that we figure SOMETHING out- because I don't like seeing him in pain at all. He might have to have a little surgery if his belly isn't developing right- but I wouldn't mind if that would get the problem fixed.

If you could pray for Keegan- that his little belly starts feeling better, and that we can figure out what is wrong and how to treat it so he starts feeling 100% as soon as possible.

Oh, and that we can sell our house... Ha- that one's ALWAYS on the table for prayer until it sells.

We covet your prayers! Thank you!

Just wanted to share a picture of my baby from this morning:

Busy week, time for updates!

I definitely need to get better at updating. THANK you to everyone for their encouraging words and their advice in terms of getting the baby to stop fighting sleep. I have to say, I think we found the trick... DADDY! Every night, the only way to get Keegan to calm down, is to have Kris snuggle him, patting him on the back laying down with him. It's worked like a charm!

PRAISE THE LORD... Keegan is also starting to take a pacifier. I have to say, he's kind of a diva though! We had to try about 4 different brands until we finally found his favorite... He's a sucker (ha, I so didn't even plan that pun!) for MAM Pacifiers. I think it's so cute when babies use paci's... PLUS, you can take a paci away when they're two. You can't take a thumb away, though, so that's why I SO wanted him to become a paci-baby!

The past couple night's Keegan has been waking up just once at night (I am knocking on wood SO hard right now). However, I still wake up more than that just because I'm used to it, now! But, because he's been sleeping so much- and napping like crazy during the day- he's been a JOY whenever he's awake. Here's my smiley little peanut this weekend:

 LOVE THIS FACE SO MUCH!

 He is a total cheese ball for the camera, and I ADORE it. There's nothing better than making your baby smile!

 Even in his sleep (and NO, we did not pose him like this! This is one of his favorite positions to sleep in).

Smiling at Momma.

We had SUCH a great weekend as a family. It was busy, but great. Yesterday we had a house showing- hopefully they will start picking up a little more now that school's are out, and summer's almost in full swing. Luckily it's been cool out this week, because our air conditioner is broken, and NO ONE wants to buy an insanely hot house.

I'll put this out there: if you are a closet heating/cooling technician, please let me know. It is going to be ridiculously expensive to repair (the parts are covered by warranty, but the labor is SO expensive!), so if you would like to give me a deal, please do, and please let me know ASAP so we don't get it fixed yet! :)

ANYWAY...

Yesterday we also decided to go for a long walk. We went about 2 1/4 miles and I'll tell you what- it KICKED. MY. HINEY.

I am trying to get rid of the rest of this baby weight. It's starting to come off- but I definitely need to do more of these long walks! I told Kris we could  take the stroller... He decided he'd rather use the infant carrier... HA! YUP. He walked 2 1/4 miles like THIS:

What a guy!

Today we had an AWESOME message at Riverview. Like it's ever bad, but it was great, and the music was phenomenal. It's awesome because our church has all different types of bands. This week- my favorite style: FOLK! It's great, and makes you just want to dance and sing-a-long! And I did! :)

Afterwards we went out to eat with some friends. Before I knew it, it was 4:00! Where did this weekend go?! Where have the last 7 weeks gone?! I can't believe Keegan will be seven weeks old tomorrow. It's great and all, but kind of makes me sad! He's getting so big, so fast! Luckily I know that this is only the beginning of our family, and that is a great feeling.

Mr. Moody-Pants-Sleep-Fighting-Karolkiewicz :)

Remember that good napper I applauded in my last post?! I have no idea where he went. He's an angel still- I love him more than anything, but he WILL. NOT. SLEEP. It's such a battle. My husband has always told me about the temper that he used to have (which I still have yet to see- so I think it's safe to say he's cured ;)... and I think Keegan has that same temper by nature.

It's frustrating- because when he gets worked up- I'll tell you what. He will kick, and flail, and scream and cry SO hard that his entire back and head is drenched in sweat. Seriously?! I've never seen anyone get that mad for no reason! Hopefully this phase will be done as quickly as it started. It's been about a week and a half now. He will only fall asleep if he's snuggled up on either Kris or I, and then if we put him in his bed- and he opens his eyes at all- all hell breaks loose!

We've done the swaddling, the gripe water, the swaying and the shushing... to no avail. But what's crazy is that when he's happy- he is SO HAPPY. Smiles all around, playing contentedly by himself on his play mat, etc. If anyone has any advice, please, don't hesistate to share (you should be able to comment directly on the blog now- I got that glitch fixed!-woot!).

I will note that when we went to the doctor last week, we figured out that Keegan has really bad acid reflux. Bless his heart. Projectile spit up, hiccups, coughing and choking, etc. Praise the Lord we have the Angel Monitor- which is a pad that you lay under the mattress and it sets an alarm off if your baby stops breathing for longer than 20 seconds. The other night it went off and I was able to pick Keegan up and pat his back enough to kind of clear his airway. Poor guy. Hopefully his medication will start working. It's been almost a week and so far I do not see much improvement. Our doctor said that if it doesn't start improving they'll want to order an ultrasound to see if Keegs might need a little corrective surgery. So keep my baby in your prayers, please!

Somehow, during this rough period, it still breaks my heart to know that in 6 more weeks I'll be back to work. I just will miss that boy (drama and all!) more than anything. We're starting to look into day cares- there's one in Holt down the road from our church that I'm considering. It's at a Baptist church- and seems very similar to the Baptist church that I was raised in. Somehow that seems a little comforting to me. I think we will try to schedule a visit there this week.

I won't lie: every day I pray that God will work some sort of miracle (ha, like us winning the lottery, or getting some sort of surprise inheritence, or Kris getting a great raise or us selling our house- really, I've thought all these scenario's through!) so that I can stay with my family. SO, if you happen to be in the mood to make a huge financial donation to the Karolkiewicz Stay-at-Home-Mom Fund, don't hesistate ;)

I kid (kind of!).

Anyway, Keegan and I have an afternoon ahead of us. We have to run to Meijer, then we're headed to our friend, Dorelle's house. Her birthday was yesterday, and her little boy is two weeks older than Keegan. Should be fun! Then: FINALLY... the AIR CONDITIONING PEOPLE ARE COMING!

Our air KIND OF works. It will run for a few hours before everything freezes and then we have to turn it off for 3 or 4 hours and let it thaw. Yup, that is NO good with a newborn baby on a 95 degree day. Needless to say, I will LOVE the repairman if he can fix it today!

Wish us luck for all of the above! And again, if you have any suggestions for what worked for your children when they could not be consoled- please share! :)